This old crate stairway project comes with quite a story.
I was in the middle of an online decorating contest doing up these stairs, when my mom passed away. But something inside told me not to quit.
So I continued despite that very painful time, and ended up winning first place that week.
It’s my belief that passion carried me through one of the darkest times of my life, but instead of feeling awful, I felt like living.
Or maybe it happened that way so I could include my mom in one of my most popular posts ever…
But one thing never changes. I first run off to Starbucks for a coffee, then come and sit with my parents.
Mom loved her coffee so. 🙂
Bear with me as I get through the tough part here. I promise you, this post will be positive.
Each time I walk past these squeaky gates into the cemetery, a lump in my throat takes over. I start to feel sorry for myself, and question why I came.
And then I get busy, searching for my parent’s headstone.
It’s not hard to find. My sister Wendy has taken over the family tradition of scrub brush, soap and flowers in hand, and cleans up the family headstones, adorning them with new flowers for the current season.
You can tell our family headstone is visited. And so very loved. Thank-you Wendy!
But on this Mother’s Day, I sat by the stone, and put my hands on the engraved part. It’s a picture of our farm. I noted the stone felt warm where it was carved, but cold where it wasn’t.
How interesting. The warmth radiating through my hands overtop the old farmhouse I grew up in took me to my mom’s sweet condo, where she moved after the farm.
My fav thing to do there was sit at the kitchen table beside her fireplace, sharing a coffee and goodies. And talk about nothing. So many wonderful nothings!
Going to Mom’s was like a hug. It was the only place I felt I could let down my guard and just be me. I could leave my parenting strength at the door, cry if I wanted to, or just go have a nap, after being tucked in by my mom under her flannel covers. Because Mom would take over and everything would be ok.
I allowed that feeling to engulf me as I sat on the grass with my hands on the headstone.
It’s hard on my own. Some days I feel like I won’t make it through the day. But small accomplishments keep me moving forward and breathe new life into each moment. Minute by minute. Each new moment has the potential to be so much… if only we’d let it. I do my best to focus on that.
I do that by focusing on the blessings I do have. From a simple blade of grass or flower in full bloom out back, to our amazing adventures. There’s so much to be thankful for.
I think what gets me through the hard parts is fully engulfing what our time on earth is really all about. This is such a short blip on the big screen of life.
I realize we all have different beliefs, but when I go to this one restaurant in town, there’s a saying on the wall that is so ‘big’, I can’t even grasp it.
I’ve never written it down, but it’s something to the effect that it a seagull picked up a pebble, and carried it to the other side of the world, and did that until eternity, that timeframe wouldn’t even come close to the real eternity.
So when I compare that to say, 80ish years on earth, so short. So very short.
I miss my parents… and Mother’s Day is hard. But today is regarded as a day that I get to cherish all the gifts that have been given to me by my Mom. Her memory is so strong, yet gentle. Her presence hits me from tidal waves, to quiet laps against the shore.
It’s how it’s meant to be. We remember. And it’s hard, and grief is part of it. But there’s so much more to come…
Plus we have so much right now. Don’t forget the now.
That gives me strength. And places a smile on my face when I visit my Mom these days.
If you visit your Mom or parent/s in a similar place, let’s work hard at replacing our loss with the joy of what they have given us and what is to come.
I know I’ll be working on this every day of my life. Are you there with me?
It is what it is. So let’s just do this!
And with that…
Happy Mother’s Day to a wonderful lady that keeps on giving, every single day…
… through my very own special Stairway from Heaven.
If you’d like to catch a glimpse of our farm, watch this video.