Busy busy busy!
I’ve been trying to get some long overdue projects done, blog about it, entertain my kiddo AND make a living lately. And now summer’s nearly over. What happened to the fun carefree sun filled days again?!? I lost them somewhere along the way.
And the icing on the cake was when the thrift store cube van parked next door to pick up someone else’s junk. I was out there in a flash enticing them over with my fine wares they could also have. I ended up getting rid of an amroire, 2 sidetables, bench, and a few other goodies. Good in one way, bad in another.
I have no clothes storage now. Nice goin’, me.
As for my closet? I never built it after the reno. 2 years ago.
This is so typical here. I sprint in 5 different directions at the same time and just wing it. And then wonder why my son ‘always seems to act up when I’m too busy doing stuff.’ Yes indeed…
What where my priorities all about again?
Fast forward to today. I had a breather from my son’s chit chatty company as he’s gone overnight to a friend’s. And I never delay an opportunity like this. Did I pick up DIY? Run to the blog? No. None of the above. I head for my pool lounger with an ice cap in hand and a book. But not to be lazy. To think.
You see, I’ve been asking myself alot lately what my true purpose in life is. I’ve been running from one task to another and never really making any headway in either. x 10 more directions. And the more I tried to get done, the more my son complained of being bored. Try and squeeze paying work into the mix and you have a kiddo glued to the tube or internet and me just feeling… bad. It was becoming a cycle of the same taunting reruns. And I’m not talking just about summer either.
In the quake of the closet cleaning, I came across an unread book titled, “The Purpose Driven Life.” I had no fluffly romances on hand so I picked this up instead and head outdoors.
This book is built a little differently. You’re to read one chapter a day and give yourself thinking time. So I disobeyed and read two. (only because I already understood and fully accepted chapter 1)
And when I read this, the lights came on.
Knowing your purpose simplifies your life. It defines what you do and what you don’t do.
People who don’t know their purpose try to do too much – and THAT causes stress, fatigue, and conflict.
So I run down the mental list of all that I do. I could immerse myself in any given area and drown for days never coming up for air, there’s that much to do. You name it. Housecleaning, finishing the house, parenting like I feel I should, working on my biz, working on a new career, working on my blog…
And then my head spins and spins. It never ends. I’m laying in my pool lounger with not even a ripple in the water yet it feels like I’m stuck in the middle of a storm at sea. And then this pops in my head out of nowhere.
“My son.”
No no no, it can’t be THAT easy. I have to be striving towards my passions, utilizing what God gave us, I want to help others and learn more myself but what do I do about my son then, blah blah blah…
“My son.”
And the sea became so quiet I could hear a… fish get caught. Or something.
Allow me to back up just a tad. I’ve been feeling abit unworthy at the lack of my own goal achievements lately. Some are making a great living at what they love to do or are well on their way. As for me? I’m still stuck on Monopoly’s START HERE. I’m afraid for the past year or so, I haven’t been coping all that well and kept going back to “How do I make a go of all this?”
“My son.”
Ah. Ok.
Suddenly, all those things I thought I HAD to do diminished. My to do list shrunk considerably. Yes I need to earn an income, but I’ve been doing that just fine while my son is in school so I’m not taking away from him there. So, what’s the problem?
Everything else on my plate has become the problem.
ie: My son loves to eat. When is the last time I treated him to a homemade BBQ steak dinner and baked potato? Well, he’s getting that tonite at another’s home. Lucky for him, but why again do I not regularly stock up with good groceries to feed his hungry tummy again?!?
Because I’m too busy. Right.
See where I’m coming from?
We’re all in different walks of life, so what’s good for me may have absolutely no merit on where you need to be. For example, my being a single parent applies different kinds of strains to life. I need to be both parents, so my son therefore needs more of me. Stuff like that.
Now, this little revelation is about more than just being a parent. This was about what direction I should take career wise. And guess what. MY SON comes before a new bold career move.
However the reason for me sharing this is, we ALL have a purpose in life, and until we figure out what in tarnation that is, we’ll flip flop, coast, try and please the masses and spin in circles, never feeling fulfilled.
THAT is what I’ve been going through. I’m not feeling fullfilled the way I need to be. Many days I just go through the motions because there have been too many directions pointing, “GO HERE NOW.”
Wanna hear the kicker? The end sentence by the pastor in church today was, “It’s OK to have friends AND make new friends. Take down the walls, and let them in. And keep doing that until it’s a good fit.”
You see, I’ve also become somewhat of a hermit. Too busy with too much stuff, not involving my son in enough so he’s also bored. Too busy to let people in even. And how will we mingle with the village it takes to raise a child by me doing this? It won’t happen.
If my life choices hurt my son in the process, I have to either just say NO or better modify them to suit.
So don’t be surprised to hear me answer “MY SON” if you wonder why I haven’t done something yet. Cuz that’s exactly what my script will no doubt read.
Sheesh. Everything just became so CLEAR. What a dummy I’ve been. When will MY time come? It’s already here. I’ve just been too blind’in busy to see it.
Have you figured out what YOUR true purpose in life may be?
