Happy Father’s Day to nontraditional families

Happy Father's Day... to nontraditional families / funkyjunkinteriors.net
( Our Maui adventures )

I grew up in a very traditional, loving family.

40 acre dairy farm, rambling old farmhouse, plenty of country to roam, horses in the cow fields, two great and present parents… I kinda had it all. (my very long story is HERE)

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d end up divorced.

I certainly didn’t wish this on myself nor my son. But… it happened.

Scrolling Facebook on Father’s Day, I saw many wonderful posts, honouring good men in kid’s lives.

But then there were the posts of disappointment, and loss. Which can make Father’s Day uncomfortable for so many.

Truth be told, Father’s Day or Mother’s Day can bring pain to untraditional families, or those that have dealt with other kinds of losses.

So how do you plough through all that?

Some days I feel sorry for my son or even myself. But then, I force myself to look on the other side. The success that came from my little, untraditional family.

Success? Oh yes. Indeed.

Would I have landed where I am now, in my dream job, in a renovated home, if my troubles had never transpired? I don’t know the answer to that, in all honestly. 

But here’s one thing I do know. No matter where you’re at with your family, you do have the ability to make a downfall into a good thing. By hard work, overcoming obstacles, maybe even some counselling… whatever it takes.

We as adults have a responsibility and have the ability, to make where we’re at the best we can be.

So while I at times feel low on my own circumstances, and feel like I’m not doing enough for my own son or even myself, those feelings make me kick into action.

I’ll get angry at myself and bust off the electronics and do something cool together instead.

I’ll get an unwilling son involved in something, only realizing later he really loved it.

I’ll fight to the finish for a school issue that needs dealing with… because momma bear is alive and well and will attempt to get the best out of the best.

Not gonna lie… some days are tough. Really tough. And I don’t feel I’m pulling off my best.

Just today? We slept in… long. And my son fended for himself nuking cold pizza while I caught the writing bug to belt this out. Not my Mother of the Year moment by far.

But that’s when I focus on the highs. Where are we today because of who we are? Because of all the issues? And what can we DO today to make our lives even fuller? What would constitute having a Happy Father’s Day for those feeling less than?

– – – – –

provide a safe home

be present

apologize often

be the best you can be

make each passing minute a good day

– – – – –

If you’re hurting this Father’s Day, you are not alone.

But why not be proactive at the same time? 

Do something fun! Let’s show our own families we can rise above what ails us, and make the best out of a great, new day.

Because, in all honestly, Father’s Day is but one day out of 365. Why allow even one of those days to bring you down?

You deserve a kudos.

You are making untraditional somehow work.

Sometimes God will change your circle to change your life. Kimberly Jones Pothier on funkyjunkinteriors.net
Quote source / Kimbery Jones Pothier
Artwork by / Funky Junk Interiors

Happy Father’s Day… to nontraditional families. 

We can do this!

– – – – 

How are you honestly doing?

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Categories: Family, Inspiration, Junk Drawer, Off Topic, Personal
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  1. Thanks for the good words, Donna. Us single moms (I know, ALL moms) have lots of those times of feeling like we’re not doing all we could. My kids’ dad is not really in their lives, and I’m feeling a little bit like a jerk today because I didn’t make them call him even though they didn’t really want to. I could have risen above to make a nice gesture, but I didn’t. My dad, who has been much more of a father figure to my kids, passed away in October so this was my first “fatherless” Father’s Day. We are living with my mom now, so I am REALLY grateful that we were all together with her today. TOMORROW, the kids and I will get up and start a fresh day with new plans, and I’ll once again ask God to fill in gaps where I fall short. But today I gave myself permission to have no expectations and we enjoyed a very relaxed day and I treated the kids to french toast for dinner.
    You’re a very good mom, Donna! God has a way of making our families just right if we let Him πŸ™‚ Thanks for being an encouragement.

    Jeanette

  2. Okay…not even gonna lie…my eyes are soaked right now…this was a very beautiful and touching piece, Donna…thank you for taking the time to write it and share it with us! First off, I can tell you are an amazing Mom because you worry about not being good enough when, in all actuality, you have no need to worry! Your son enjoys hanging out with you…’nuff said! Really, most kids his age would die if they were seen out with their Mom…not so, your son…whether you’re hanging out at Disney or chillaxin’ at home, he’s happy just to be with you…that says it all, to my mind, about what a fantastic Mom you truly are!

    My father wasn’t a very nice man, so I basically grew up without a father, but I turned out okay…kinda…hehe! Your son is going to be okay, too, Donna, because he’s got *YOU*! What I do on Father’s Day is celebrate the men who have made a difference in my life like my uncle and my father-in-law and my best friend. Shifting the focus to celebrate positive influences rather than mourning what I never had helps to keep a positive vibe in my life and it turns the attention towards folks who deserve my admiration and respect. A win-win! Surely everyone has a male figure in their life whom they can heap some love on, yes? And, if for some reason, they don’t, well, who is to say that you can’t celebrate a mother who also took on the role of father figure? πŸ™‚

  3. Donna,
    In response to your query: “Would I have landed where I am now, in my dream job, in a renovated home, if my troubles had never transpired? I don’t know the answer to that, in all honestly.” I found a quote that seems to answer that very question. Hope this helps.

    “Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think that you’ve lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time.” -Asha Tyson-

    This seems to say it all, in my opinion. You are doing everything right by showing your son that it CAN be done with hard work and persistence. You should be very proud of yourself and I’m sure your son is proud of you too.

    Happy Day of Celebrating Your Positive Outlook on Life!!!

  4. I agree, the hard things we live through often bring good things as result. It is still hard though.

    I think men have been receiving the short end of the stick for awhile now so I am so glad to see them honored on Father’s Day. There are many great men who do the right thing with no thought of accolades, just as there are moms who do the same. we seem to encourage girls/women to do whatever they want but leave men to wander with no encouragement at all so I did honor the Father’s in my life this past weekend.

    My favorite Father’s post though came from a friend who has an amazing dad & a dependable, loving husband. She honored them but she also took the time to write the following post in honor of the greatest Father.: ‘Happy Father’s Day dear Heavenly Father! Without you there would be no love, no joy and no life. Thank you for your grace and mercy. Today and every day, I honor and praise You and I am proud to be your child!’

    I thought it was so beautiful & so true.

  5. As a former single mom, and a present school counselor, I want to emphasize that families are what you make them. Very few of my students live in the “traditional” home setting. Most are in blended or single families, with step-parents. Or, they are being raised by their grandparents.

    Families are truly better identified by the ones who love you, who you can count on to be there when you need them. They might be “adopted” relatives who take the place of blood relatives.

    Please take a moment to look around you, count the number of Newly defined families you know. And, celebrate being both the mother and the father in your child’s life!

  6. Hi Donna. I know exactly how you feel. As a single mom to three (two girls, one boy), I have days when I feel angry and drained. My kids’ father lives thousands of miles away and he only sees them once a year for about two or three days. Basically, I am mom and dad. It’s funny because sometimes my kids wish me a happy Mother’s and Father’s Day.I truly believe things happen for a reason. And I believe God wants me to be in this place at this time.So I try to embrace it as much as I can.:)

  7. Thank you, Donna, for being so transparent. I agree, I also grieve “what could have been” and have pity parties often, but it’s folks like you who help us stand a little taller. Perhaps what we experience is more “normal” than we want to believe. Your inspiring words came along at just the right time. PS> I can’t believe how much your son has grown!

  8. It really must be tough being a single parent and having to get through Fathers Day. I can say that even having a traditional family doesn’t always make Fathers Day any better.
    Most times in ends up being a fiasco here. Another one bites the dust, even though I tried.

    You sound like a great Mom. I think a Fatherless household should be able to celebrate TWO Mothers Days. One on Mothers day, one on Fathers day. You deserve it!

    Lori

  9. My son’s father has never been in his life, so he has grown up truly with only a mother. I often feel guilty and sad for him, but he is a great kid (14) so we must be doing something right! Many year’s ago, I decided to turn Father’s Day into “Son’s Day” and we celebrate him! He looks forward to it every year & gets to pick the activity that we do together for the day.

    You’re obviously doing a great job raising a great son…something worthy of celebration whatever day it is!

  10. YOU are doing great. Seems like better than many families. I guess there are sad dad stories out there, but I don’t have one. My horrid dad left, so my story is GREAT: my mother showed how one person with a lot of love, will power, determination and persistence could become the most positive influence in a person’s life. Did I miss having a dad? Sometimes – but not MY dad.

    Occasionally, as a teenager, I’d have the normal mom-kid fight and threaten to live with him. Once, I was being pretty awful and threw out that threat – and was stunned when she agreed and said she would make the call. It took less than ONE second for me to leap across the room between her and the phone, apologize and BEG her not to call! Years later she told me that it was the riskiest threat she ever made, cuz she would not have finished dialing! Be good. Do good. He may not always say it and you may not always feel it, but you are doing the right thing, the right way. You are teaching him a man must earn the privilege to remain in a child’s life, by being a great father AND partner. If he’s not, it is him who loses, not the rest of the family who can thrive without him. And your son will want to be a part of a thriving, loving family because of you.

    Wow! Where did that come from? I don’t know, except that I hope for you that YOU know your family is every bit as successful as one that is more traditional (btw – “traditional” is beginning to change in definition).

    Hugs. Aloha.